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"...not anymore, but it was there."

[ me | ☆☆☆ ]
[ diary | ( ̄ー ̄ )...zzz ]

Free bee. [Feb. 25th, 2017|12:14 pm]
[Current Location |sea]
[Current Mood |not looking forward to anything]
[Current Music |someday we'll be together by bonjr]

I'm always me, except when I'm one with the sea. Oh, I know you need an answer now, little baby, but it's all just a maybe.
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Today, make me feel. [Feb. 25th, 2017|11:44 am]
[Current Location |where feelings are kept]
[Current Mood |in pieces]
[Current Music |i'll get through it with you next to me by bonjr]

Cold under my sweaty blanket. I dream of fires and how to advoid them. Swear to never lie and and ooze like liquid gold. I know that. I can take it. If only, if only. Blink in a colored dust of awe when I'm not alive. See my side; see me sly. So now you know I'm your little yellow rose, and you take me to your nose. I smile in pieces of moments when I know you're mine. I cut jewels of paper to paste to my wall. You make me feel this way when you're worth my best. If you're not sure, laugh harder. I'm flesh colored when I blush, so bye, bye, Miss Sly.
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Knowing is not knowing. [Feb. 22nd, 2017|11:16 am]
[Current Location |on top of my knees]
[Current Mood |not so chipper]
[Current Music |cherry by chromatics]

Slow is the snow, dig down deep, in the riverbed of ice and glow. It's all me now. I kept a token of your black hair. Keep quiet. I feel, I know. When I see you again, my nerves are true. I see you too.
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Creek spirits. [Feb. 21st, 2017|06:32 pm]
[Current Location |creek]
[Current Mood |in love]
[Current Music |two men in love by the irrepressibles]

To you, I see myself.
To you, I know thyself.
I'm in love.
To the creek, to the creek, to the creek,
on my feet,
oh, my feet.

I hide you no longer.

I wasp kiss you close,
before I lie down deep,
and you, a ghost,
rise to listen to me weep.
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Airy. [Feb. 21st, 2017|01:50 pm]
[Current Location |here]
[Current Mood |feeling better]
[Current Music |method and the madness by takenobu]

I don't believe in the sun. Let's go, we're leaving. I'm part of the shoreline in the dark where things get blurry, and I rise in the night and frighten you into a crawl. I see you small. Touch me with your solid hands. My wet treaures are as tall as a human, and I hug them to my chest and show you their hardness, and you look at me shrewd and mild, and you bring me home to flop on your bathroom tiles. I'm nothing but your silver water.
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Where it's safe. [Feb. 21st, 2017|11:18 am]
[Current Location |riverside]
[Current Mood |rushedrushed]
[Current Music |milk by sea oleena]

I sneak up behind spirits and whisper in their ear that nothing's gonna hurt them. They say, not today. I tell them I'll meet them down by the river's side rather than the riverside. We show each other our glitter nails.
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Only if you believe in it. [Feb. 21st, 2017|10:52 am]
[Current Location |floor]
[Current Mood |caffeine high]
[Current Music |bros by panda bear]

I wanna dye my hair blonde and my time is up. Oh darling, go a little easy, a little at a time, all the time. A gold ram at the end of my bed. I kick the evil out of it and set up a table of colored bottles. I have a worry box for the Gods and incense to summon. My beaded pillows see me sleeping, and they're my little jewels and oh, no, here it goes, I miss the way things used to be. Tonight, brass is my favorite color, and I write down my one word poems of the words I like best, and I say them slowly, then faster and faster, until I'm chanting and wishing and bending the night.
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Oo, baby. [Feb. 21st, 2017|10:37 am]
[Current Location |home at last]
[Current Mood |beautiful]
[Current Music |easy by pure x]

Bite marks on my shower curtain. Three mothers in the mirror. Tell me your wishes and I'll give you a riddle. Lie down and I'll tell you a tale. If you cannot see me, tell me why, why, why. Drowsy blue ain't got me, but I'm a thief when the time calls for it, but we're gonna make it, says me; said in threes. The sun is shinning but going down and I feel myself being cruel. It's night and I'm three to the left when you know--you so know- no one is standing next to me and you see the ghost of my grandathers. I speak to voices at night and they tell me they love me and I believed them until someone, somehwere told me I'm a little gasp and a little easy.
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Little dusty. [Feb. 18th, 2017|10:21 am]
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |happy, i guess]
[Current Music |young and in love by lana del rey]

The tea leaves fall to the bottom of my little cup like fall leaves and I drink them up and wonder why I'm even here.
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What it's like being too obvious. [Jan. 31st, 2017|11:56 am]
[Current Location |hiding by midnight]
[Current Mood |selfish]
[Current Music |crystallized by gorillaz cover]

You see her in boots at the dead end of the road. Two by two, time to move. She's coming for you under navy blue. Your fault you mistook her as your starling darling.
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Nestle. [Jan. 27th, 2017|10:57 am]
[Current Location |ballroom floor]
[Current Mood |magic]
[Current Music |all fires by swan lake]

Blue voodoo. Everything's gonna hurt me baby, look out, there's a lot of shouting in my head and I say, now, now, that isn't true. Love potions cook in sunlight. I know how to waltz in pastel colors and we dance around lights catching fire as we pass them.
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Grit between my teeth. [Jan. 24th, 2017|10:35 am]
[Current Location |leaving]
[Current Mood |magic]
[Current Music |the blackest day by lana del rey]

I run nude in my dreams infront of men of legends when I don't know what to say. I show them I have a neck the size of their hands.
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My fingers smell like dried cranberries. [Jan. 23rd, 2017|12:07 pm]
[Current Location |sunlight]
[Current Mood |not sure, i'll tell you later]
[Current Music |spirit away soundtrack]

My skin in paisley under the sunlight and shadows. I turn. The carpet imprints of my skin and burns impatiently. I'm a flash of leopard when I move into hidding and I know you watch me with the creeps, but I saw you first. I can't do it. I can't do it. I cry and it's just one of those things.
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Touch the tips of me and recognize that I am cold. [Jan. 19th, 2017|01:11 pm]
[Current Location |in shadows]
[Current Mood |fearful and slipping]
[Current Music |seeds of love by tears for fears]

Are you from the sun or moon? I slip my finger tips into the shadows of your face and no one believes me when I tell the truth. You are still. I lick your black tears that show themselves from under your helmet. Here comes my man.
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Lick the smooth air. [Jan. 17th, 2017|09:04 am]
[Current Location |night sky]
[Current Mood |not satisfied]
[Current Music |familiar by anges obel]

I wonder what the different shades of blue in the sky taste like after the sun has set. You took me down, down, down. My unlaced boots. I became like the night and left you. I taste talk in my mouth and something inside myself says it's time, but I'm not ready. I saw something in the sky outside my window and it looked like it knew me.
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Trustworthy is not your name. [Jan. 15th, 2017|01:34 pm]
[Current Location |where i can't be reached]
[Current Mood |blissful]
[Current Music |spirited away soundtrack]

You feel for the scars on my breasts,
and you talk in bites and spite.
I've told you so and so,
so is that so?
Slow is the slur,
and I smell you through your borrowed fur.
You lick my frostbite from yesternight.
And now I see.
Your skin is made for fights,
and mine made from the opposite of light.
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Two more nights and I'll pull back. [Jan. 12th, 2017|04:35 pm]
[Current Location |feels like i'm closer than ever]
[Current Mood |falling in love]
[Current Music |dragon boy from spirited away]

He stops and I look back at him. Suddenly I am the ocean and he drinks me up.
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Gone in a prayer to myself. [Jan. 12th, 2017|01:37 pm]
[Current Location |closer and then further than you]
[Current Mood |fearful]
[Current Music |yayo by lana del rey]

I'm the goddess of unforgetfulness. I wear a dress of nudes. I run faster than the men who chase me and I sweat in smells of lust for myself. Everything I touch turns to ash and I color myself gray and haunt men who hold my favorite color of eyes. Touch me, and you know you will die, but Gods, touch me anyways and always and I'll be yours, but you should know that my other name is Maybe. What do you want me to do with your prayers? I've never wanted them.
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I feel your wild hair. Your wishes turn soft. [Jan. 12th, 2017|01:32 pm]
[Current Location |running from being your baby]
[Current Mood |feeling like your baby]
[Current Music |work song by hozier]

You caught me when I was green turning blue, and you stroked my feathers like they were oil slicks. I shiver and sprinkle water that shine like wet kisses. I'm all shy like pearls when you touch me, and I hide you in the cream inside me. I glitter pale and in nudes when the weather is bad. I'm a little taller than you when you bend to bite my thighs like you have a crush on them. I'm not so soft when I ask you to hold me tighter and make you think I want you. It's okay. You're okay. Your pain lights the way.
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Strange ideas. [Jan. 12th, 2017|01:20 pm]
[Current Location |i was in the shower earlier]
[Current Mood |peaceful, i suppose]
[Current Music |false astronomy by mister lies]

I know the time of your death by the flavor of your mouth when I kiss you.
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Sold my soul to someone who didn't want it. [Jan. 12th, 2017|01:13 pm]
[Current Location |swamp]
[Current Mood |i can't have nice things]
[Current Music |nymph by mister lies]

Crazy for the sound of myself. Easy does it. I feel for the deep end of the pond. Disappear into the haze and become a swamp mermaid. I'm disgusting all up in the buisness, with sharp teeth and black eyes. Eyes darker than my cavities. Feed me red meat. My favorite person in the whole world is you. I sell my soul to the rats who gnaw on it.
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I think the bear might have loved me. [Jan. 12th, 2017|10:31 am]
[Current Location |in the desert]
[Current Mood |this that]
[Current Music |i heard by young fathers]

I keep your hand inside my inside hand. I quiver delicately then harsher and harsher. I want to be close, then closer. Come on let it go. Be the sneaky sneak you are and fit inside me like a dream. I traveled through the desert with a bear by my side and I found toe bones beside rocks but no water. People kept telling me I knew the way but I didn't, damnit, so stop that asking. Ditched them for a white horse with a lavender mane and no eyes that didin't belong in hot weather, and woops, I nearly killed him when I took off at a gallop.
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Her most disgusting habit it talking low. [Jan. 12th, 2017|10:12 am]
[Current Location |getting in touch]
[Current Mood |a disgusting habit]
[Current Music |let it go by james bay]

She looked down at her cold body and saw her many shades of lavender. She knew the flavor of her own teeth better than she knew you. One more thing. Be her mother goddess. Sap her body like a maple tree. If you think she enjoyed it, you'd be right.
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I want you to look at me sometimes. [Dec. 31st, 2016|06:54 pm]
[Current Location |my heart inside my heart]
[Current Mood |drug induced happiness]
[Current Music |dreaming of you by cigarettes after sex]

I'm as wide as the sea and I look at you and see how you want me and I pay you in salt. I'm the colors of the sky and you collect me and I'm then the colors of your skin. If you want me, you can have me.
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Little hopes. Little dopes. [Apr. 6th, 2014|09:23 pm]
[Current Location |in the past]
[Current Mood |feeling quiet]
[Current Music |howl's moving castle theme]

I know now that I can't go back. Little changes coming through the rye like a false delight. I don't know how I feel about myself. Hello darling, can you hear me? My heart chirps as lightly as a baby bird. I have nothing to feed it. Oh heart, my heart, how do I read you? I have nothing to give you except dead things and pretend things. I'm sorry for being so small. I'm sorry for not knowing what it is I want. I'm sorry for wanting everything and nothing at all.
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Feed the beasts. [Sep. 4th, 2011|12:18 pm]
[Current Mood |indescribableindescribable]
[Current Music |love fade by tamaryn]

"You hungry beasts with bodies,
eating the shells of nobodies,
Where is hell? I follow it."

"We, too, follow  the path of trouble.
Belong, untrue, to the troubled"
and sing,
" 'so long', then die of the troubled."

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Femme by Rochas [Sep. 3rd, 2011|05:10 pm]
[Current Mood |determinedgimmie]
[Current Music |time on your side by emily jane white]

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(no subject) [Mar. 12th, 2011|01:17 pm]
[Current Location |humpty dumpty's wall]
[Current Mood |groggygroggy]
[Current Music |there she goes by the la's]

Sweetie, Sweetie,
why do you cry?
"someone reaped
the plastic in me."

She shaved the the skin from her elbows,
bedding her seeds,
and from the earth grew flesh colored roses.

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I can taste you now. [Dec. 23rd, 2010|11:20 pm]
[Current Location |hanging from a hang nail]
[Current Mood |sleepysleepy]
[Current Music |black cherry by goldfrapp]

I saw you that day.

You made me watch as you reached under your breast bone and ate your heart.

I didn't know what I was saying. I didn't know what I was feeling.

But you told me I needed to wake up.

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So. Fucking. Antisocial. [Oct. 24th, 2010|08:06 pm]
[Current Location |HAHAHahahaha...]
[Current Mood |gloomygloomy]
[Current Music |the magic pony]

Her favorite game was playing hide-and-seek by herself.

She slipped under the dusty blankets as if they were the thick skins of a bear.

“I shall sleep in the belly of my beast,” her breath warmed her face, “until someone notices I am missing.”

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